Monday, April 14, 2014

Why We Don't Have Kids

[For the record, Gus and Dixie do NOT approve this post and were actually highly offended. They suggested I change the title to "Why We Don't Have Human Kids". Obviously I didn't take their advice and they are currently not on speaking terms with me.]

It seems like I get this question at least once a week and if I'm at a social event, several times in an hour. Either from people I've known forever or someone I've just met who finds out Chris and I have been married for (almost) seven years.

"So when are you going to have kids?"
That question NEVER bothers me. It just doesn't, so if you've asked me that before please don't think it bothered because it didn't. My answer is usually "just whenever it happens". It's only when I'm told my "clock is ticking" that I get perturbed.

Then there's the more direct (and somewhat rude) "and WHY don't you have kids yet…?"
That's a longer story.

Robby's Lady Photography, couple, blue eyes
Robby's Lady Photography
We got married when I was 19 and he was 20. Just babies. We went straight from the honeymoon to where he was stationed at Camp Lejeune, NC. The three years we were there, while fun and exciting at times, were a roller coaster. A lot of that roller coaster ride we were broke. Sometimes it was "how are we going to pay the water bill" broke and at points it was "we need to search the couch cushions for change so we can put gas in the car" broke. We were ten hours from both of our families and for the last year of our stay there our tiny apartment was party central.
In short, babies were not on the brain or in the cards. We didn't NEED kids then.

When we left Lejeune AND the Marine Corps and moved home in 2010. It wasn't the easy transition we had planned on. We moved in to my old bedroom at my parent's house and Chris was on the job hunt for months. It was like we were starting our life from scratch and the past five years in the MC had been erased and no longer mattered. Ropes that were already thinning completely snapped and before 2010 ended everything had fallen apart. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Lowest point of my entire life.
Cleary, we didn't NEED kids then.

Mercifully, thankfully things got better. Things got better than they'd ever been before. We were on track again. We bought our house and everything had fallen right into place.
This is where telling the story gets tricky. I never want to go all TMI here. I'll just say sometimes things take longer than you expect them to. I expected we'd already have a little Cooper or Tallulah by now. (Yes, the Tallulah battle still wages on.) Honestly, I always pictured that I'd be pregnant by the time Kaylen graduated…two years ago. But please don't feel sorry for me and don't think I'm a sad bird. I LOVE my life. I LOVE where we're at now. We both want kids but I believe God's timing is perfect. He or she will get here when he or she gets here.
And for right now that's enough.

couple, black and white

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  1. Alyssa, I applaud your authenticity and maturity to recognize what a lot of folks do not: there are times, circumstances, and seasons in our lives when adding children to the mix is not the best or more responsible decision. It takes courage to acknowledge this fact and I think you are a better woman, wife, and future mommy for it. Husband and I were together 10 years, married seven, before Kamden made his 'surprise' entrance into the world. I always knew I wanted to have a child, but I was in the camp of 'next year' or 'before I'm 30.' Well, I went to the ER with gallstones, found out I was pregnant, turned 30 on Dec 17 and two days later, Kamden was born. Things have a way of working themselves out and I am blessed beyond measure to have an amazing husband, the most precious son, and we live a blessed life. And remember, some people are just too nosy for their own good. Keep smiling, keep posting, keep loving your husband and fur-babies, and remember this: YOU. ARE. AMAZING.


  2. I will be married for 10 years this August and I don't have kids. I feel like when God knows your ready. Then he will bless you with kids.

  3. I have wondered several times if ya'll were going to have kids! Loved this one!

  4. You know I'm fertile myrtle only with the help of a fertility drug... BUT I will say this 4th kiddo I am carrying is an act of God, and is a blessing. God will bless you and Chris with kiddos when the time is right. In the meantime have fun with each other, the cat kiddies, and enjoy life. IF YOU NEED A BABY FIX... I can lend you Lacey, Lucas, or even Layla when she gets here! I'm not far from you..just a phone call away. I love you both and think a lot of you. I can always use a babysitter for an hour or two so i can have time to myself. Love ya'll :)

  5. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Alyssa. I really don't know how many times people asked me when I will have a baby. It can be really annoying. I don't feel rushed at all but it seems like people do. I guess there never is the perfect time but at some point there will be the right time and then hopefully things will all work out! You are fantastic, Alyssa!

  6. I appreciate your honesty and COMMEND that you and Chris were both able to recognize a bad time to bring a kid into the world. Yes, children are obviously huge blessings, but bringing a child into the world that you cannot provide adequately for (I'm not saying spoiled rotten, I'm saying able to buy food and pay for heat and electricity) is not a good time. So many I know are SO selfish when it comes to that. Not fair to anyone involved, if you ask me. Timing is everything, and you and Chris are still both so young. The star will align and it will happen when the time is right! <3

  7. I've also had this conversation so many times over, and it annoys the crap out of me. Even if my husband and I wanted kids (which we don't), we would not have had any yet because we just weren't in a good financial position to start a family. I can't count the number of times I've said, "The timing isn't right because of ______" (we're juggling multiple jobs, one of us is out of a job, he's in school, we're paying off a debt, whatever) and heard "You can't put it off over THAT! You need to just have one before you get too old, and the money will fall into place after ward!"

    So. Much. Face palm. So I commend you for being mature enough to NOT go down that road! I've seen it end so badly for so many other young moms that I know, who now wish they had waited. You guys are both so young and as you say, things will happen in their time. (Think of the passage from Ecclesiastes.) I'm sure you will both be amazing parents when it does happen!!


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