Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Lots of Feels

I’ve kind of prided myself on the fact that I haven’t gone super soft and emotional this pregnancy. I’ve been irritable and more quick tempered than normal for me but I haven’t had “the weepies” women talk about or felt sad or anything like that.

…Until last week.

Thursday to be exact. I woke up feeling really worried and anxious for some reason. Worried about CT, worried about money when he gets here, worried we’re not putting enough into savings. Just thinking about everything all at once. I was having dinner that night with friends so I headed to Publix before work to pick up dessert. (FYI, dessert shopping takes a lot longer now and I couldn’t decide on one thing so I settled for lemon pound cake and fudge brownies...just in case you were wondering.) When I got back in the car I turned the radio off and prayed all the way to work. Prayed for direction, Cooper’s continued health, and peace about all of it. Usually when I pray I feel instant comfort and calm, but not Thursday. I felt so sad, and anxious, and scared all at once. I went to the bathroom for the sole purpose of crying twice and by the second time when the crying turned into sobbing I asked to go home (which I hated doing because I liked that I’d only left work early once for sickness related to pregnancy and I wasn’t even SICK this time, just bawling and couldn’t stop).

I called Chris on the way home crying (duh) and he did his best to calm me down. He reassured me that everything would be ok. That I was ok, that Cooper was ok, money was going to be ok and that I needed to relax because he might feel all the stress that I’m feeling. He’s going to be such a good dad. After I got home, changed clothes and chilled the heck out I drove to Krystals to pick up something to eat. When I pulled back into my driveway Kaylen was there on Mom’s orders to check on me. Anything pregnancy related seems to travel fast in my immediate family and Mom was convinced I was curled in a fetal position home alone still sobbing. Can’t blame her really.

I relaxed and napped until time for dinner with my lady friends. Those women always cheer me up and give good advice. The next morning I was still feeling deflated and heavy but by that afternoon I was starting to feel normal. And after a good weekend and time with Chris I’m feeling like Alyssa again. But MERCY Thursday threw me for a loop.

I've told you before that I feel like I've had a really easy pregnancy thus far with no sickness, no craziness and very few real symptoms. But I guess I couldn't get away without at least a few tears.  I keep telling myself this is just what happens and it's different for everybody  Maybe next time if/when it happens I'll be more prepared for it and I won't feel like I'm losing my mind.

In the mean time, I'm really clinging to the sticky note on my computer at work reminding me to "worry about nothing but pray about everything".

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1 comment:

  1. It's funny, I was just reading a quote from the Dalai Lama about anxiety that basically said, "If there's something you can do to fix a problem, then why waste time worrying? And if there's nothing you can do about it, why waste time worrying?" (Of course he was more eloquent, but you get the idea!) I have to remind myself of that a lot, because I'm a natural worrier. Relaxing is hard for me.

    Also maybe remember the verse in Matthew about the sparrows. (I think it's in chapter ten?) You (and CT) are in good hands!!


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