Do you ever feel so awkward that you think maybe it would be better to take a vow of silence than to get one more strange look from someone when you say something stupid?
This happens to me at LEAST once a day. I’m not exaggerating in the least.
Some people have the gift of gab. They always know what to say and how to say it. They’re never at a loss for words and they can take what they’re thinking and communicate those thoughts effortlessly. I envy them. I envy them and I want to slug them.
You might be thinking, “But, Alyssa, you have a blog. A blog made up entirely of words and you seem do to ok there.” If you’re thinking that, you’re right. I’m pretty effective with words when staring at a computer and communicating through a keyboard. When it comes to looking someone in the eye and speaking through my, you know, MOUTH it’s a different story. I hesitate. Sometimes I stutter. I start to use one word and then change my mind mid-word and mash them together and then get nervous when I realize my mistake which only makes it worse.
And not in a cute, aw she’s adorably awkward Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls or Zooey Deschanel way. I feel that “painful” is a really great adjective to go along with my level of awkwardness. I work in an office so I answer the phone and talk to strangers a lot. When they make a joke or say something I’m not expecting and I have NO clue how to respond it’s as if I can FEEL them waiting for a reply and thinking, “is this idiot going to say anything?” or “well, that’s sweet that the company hired someone with an intellectual disability”.
Often when I’m around people, especially new people, I worry that they think I’m a snob because I don’t say much. The truth is I’m trying to come up with something to add to the dialogue but by the time I do, the conversation has changed.
I try to be pretty open on this blog but it feels weird “talking” about this.
Well this post came out of nowhere and was more than slightly self-deprecating. I think I’ll end this little tea party now